"Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come
To carry you home

And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West."

--Into The West by Annie Lennox, composed by Howard Shore

I am so completely in love with this song right now. My brother got me the LotR:RotK soundtrack for Christmas, but it has really grown on me this past week.

I didn't used to like Annie's voice, but now she has one of my favorites. It's so different from what I'm used to hearing.. very distinctive, in my opinion, at least for this point in time. It seems kind of old style, but not the old style that's getting popular again which is kind of fifties. I guess you could compare Annie to Karen Carpenter's voice, though it's still almost to different to make that comparison.

This song has so many emotions in it. I feel sad, loved, excited, and poetic. My friend and I are saying goodbye, the best friend I will ever have, and they are leaving for what is almost sure to be forever, though we don't want to admit it. I'm trying to calm them, they can't cry for me, for what they are leaving, because where they are going is so much better than here.

This song could almost be a graduation song. I bet you right now that when I'm a senior, around this time of year, I'll be sitting at my computer or in my car or wherever, listening to this song, bawling my eyes out as I sing along. I did the same thing when I left all my friends from my middle school at the end of the school year before I went back to my old junior high, with the Graduation Song (Friends Forever) by Vitamin C. At least, though, that song is actually meant to fit the situation. XD

Mid-Winter Break was last week, so you would expect that I've had a lot of homework so far, right? Especially with all the evil, lets-give-them-huge-projects-in-every-class-at-once IB teachers I have. How glad am I that that is wrong! I had barely any homework yesterday; I did my Math during IB (more like International B.tch for this class) English and lunch, and the ID terms (extended definitions) for IB History barely took 45 minutes. Today I have absolutely no hoemwork; I finished my political map of the 1500s in Advisory, I didn't have Math today so the homework is still completed from yesterday, and I finished my Chem lab in class. This week so far is rocking!

The only bad part of school at the moment is, yet again, Web Design 1. I am now completely convinced that I should not be in this class. Before I thought, 'Well, I don't know how to use the Macromedia products or Dreamweaver, and I really should learn them,' but now I don't think it's even worth it. I am so far ahead of the class it's not even funny.. they are on chapter six in the textbook and are still creating their first layouts for their autobiographies, while I am in the middle of chapter ten and on my fourth actual, honest-to-goodness, fully completed layout. I would also liek to mention that I hate creating forms. There is a reason I never code my own forms, thank you very much, and it's because I HATE THEM. Frames, too. Why can't I just use tables? I love tables. Tables roxors my soxors. Waterit, frames and forms can rot in hell for all I care. I hate them.

Heh.. get the idea yet? XD

I am six years old. My teacher has just told my class that we are going to write short stories. She gives us a topic, and we get out our paper and pencils and start writing.
My story is about a plain girl who goes to school and nobody notices her because she is plain. However, I don't know how to spell the word 'plain,' so I go ask the teacher.
"Mrs E, how do you spell 'plain?'"
"P-l-a-y-i-n-g, dear."
"No, plain."
"Isn't that what I just spelt for you?"
"No, you spelt playing. How do you spell plain?"
"I'm sorry dear, I don't know what you are asking."
I sigh loudly. I hope she knows that she has failed me. I'll never ask her for anything so important again. Next time, I'll just wait until I see David or Juli or Mommy, and they'll tell me. They'll know. And if they don't, Daddy will. Daddy knows everything. I love Daddy.

I am seven years old. My class is in the computer lab, learning how to type. I hate this class. I hate Mr R. So does David, and Juli. David and Juli are right about him. I hate him.
"Look Shayna, I can type! And I never once had to look at the screen."
"Isn't that bad? I thought you weren't supposed to look at the keys.."
Maybe Shayna is right. Maybe not. After all, she is in Mr R's class. He could be rubbing off on her. I heard Daddy saying something like that yesterday. I keep typing. Sometimes I look at the screen, but most of my concentration is on my fingers.

I am eight years old. I am playing Wall Ball with my friends at recess, a group game where people basically try to throw the ball at the wall. I'm having a lot of fun.
Oh no, here comes Shane. He is stupid. Don't play with us! No, please leave!
He's playing. Oh great, just hand him the ball, Karlee. Thanks for being my friend, but I'd rather not be friends with someone who gives up the ball to Shane.
OW! That hurt! Shane just threw the ball at my nose! I am going to kick him so hard he'll feel it for years!
Stupid recess teacher. I was this close to kicking him! I at least stained his shirt with the blood from my nose. Serves him right. Too bad I couldn't stain Karlee, too.
"Stay off the sidewalk. We don't want to stain it."
So the sidewalk is more important than me getting to the nurse's office? How kind of you, Mrs R. I'll show you stains on the sidewalk.

I am eight years old. There is a new girl in class. The teacher asked me to show her around! I show her the story corner, the quiet zone, everything. We go back to the quiet zone to sit down, there is nothing else to do in the few minutes before recess. Just as we sit down, Karlee comes over to us.
"Hi Kristy! Do you want to play with me at recess?"
"Sure! What'll we do?" Just then, the bell rings. The two link arms and leave me sitting there, alone.
Karlee, I thought you were my best friend. How can you take away my new friend like that? I'll never talk to you again. Just see what happens then, Karlee. When the new girl finds someone better, and you crawl back to me, I will just Look at you, and then walk away, without saying a word. You'll know then, Karlee, who is the better friend.

I am nine years old. It is recess, but I can't play right now. Not at a time like this. My best friend ever is playing tetherball with Lilia and some other people. I could beat them in my sleep, I am the best, but not right now. I can't play right now.
Not while my parents are inside, right now, talking to the principle about me skipping a grade. I might not be a fourth grader anymore! My entire life depends on what happens right now. This is big! Sorry Alicia, but I can't play tetherball. I can't play house, either. I need to walk right now, okay? Please let me walk. I'll play tetherball al you want tomorrow, I promise. Just let me walk.
I'm walking. Alicia is such a good friend. I'll never forget her. I really love her. What an amazing friend. She's walking next to me, quiet, just like I did for her when she thought her parents were going to get divorced. What a friend.

I am nine years old. I am sitting in class, holding my pink and purple colored pencils, writing Alicia's name over and over. They are her favorite colors. I miss her. I can't wait until today is over, because tomorrow is when I get to spend the night at her house! Dealing with Tina and Isaac I can handle, as long as I get to see her again. She's my best friend, and it's my first day in my new fifth grade class, and I miss her so much.
We don't have recess or lunch together anymore, you see. Fifth graders have second lunch, and we don't have third or first recess because they want us to gradually get used to less and less recess. We only have recess after lunch. Alicia and the fourth graders have first lunch, all of the recesses, and her after lunch recess is an hour before mine.
I miss Alicia. I like Samantha and Ashley and Megan and Kristi, but Samantha and Ashley and Megan are in the other fifth grade class, and Kristi isn't as fun as they are.
I am quiet. I don't want to talk. I don't have Alicia or Lilia or Christina or Kevin to talk to. So I don't talk at all.

I am ten years old. Ellen and Thao are fighting again. I am good friends with both of them, but neither likes the other much. They only like me, I think, because I am such a good listener. I've always been a good listener, but I'm better now, because I'm quiet more. I don't like to talk as much.
Ellen is telling me about what Thao told everyone about her. I don't think Thao would have done that, but I'm not about to say that to Ellen. I tell her that's Thao is mean to have done that, and then just listen some more, while nodding my head at the right times.
Ellen left. She's complaining to some of her better friends now. Thao came over, glared at Ellen, and asked me to talk.
Now Thao is telling me what happened. She is crying. Her group is following behind, like body guards, but I put my arm around her shoulder and listen. She says that Ellen has been spreading rumors about her spreading rumors about Ellen, but she hasn't done anything like that! All she's ever tried to do, Thao says, is to be friends with Ellen. I knew Thao would never tell stories. Ellen would, though. Ellen has always been like that.

I am eleven years old. I can't wait until this day is over. Online I've been telling Samantha, my best friend from my old school, that my best friend so far here is Amy. But the truth is, I don't have any friends.
My job in the group of friends used to be the listener, the problem-solver, the one who you could tell anything to, and when you needed to laugh, I could make you laugh. But nobody wants to talk to me here. They won't let me show how good I am at listening, because they don't tell me anything at all.
Sign Language. I don't know how I got roped into this class. It's always the same. The only exciting thing about it is that the teacher is pregnant. I wonder what the baby will look like.
A project? A group project? Oh no. Nobody likes me, how am I going to get a group? Um, excuse me, would you mind if I joined your group? I don't have one yet, and.. oh, thank you! Thank you so much.
Um, can I sit with you at lunch? I don't really have anywhere to sit, and we could talk about the project or something..
I am so relieved when Larissa says yes. If she had said no, I would've had to sit alone again. Normally I go to the library and read during lunch, but on Tuesdays the library isn't open during second lunch.

I am eleven years old. I just found this great forum online, the SimFreaks Forum. There are so many people there! They are a lot of fun. I hope they like me, because so far, only Larissa and Inna, my group-mates in sign language, like me at school. I need somebody to talk to.

I am thirteen years old. My best online friend Rich and I are having a fight. We actually just posted about it a couple of times in a thread in the Flower Pot. We stopped, though, when someone said that we fought like a married couple.

I am fifteen years old. My brother and I just finished watching a couple episodes of season one of 24, an ultra-dramatic TV show where a ton of things happen in a 24 hour period. The entire time, we kept having the same thoughts, kept saying the same things. I would say that something someone did was completely insane, and he would respond that I took the words right out of his mouth. At one point, we both looked at each other and said, "Interesting.."
Our connection is so weird, but so comforting. Sometimes I feel like David has been.. I don't know. But since Juli left semi-permanently (she comes back for four months in between terms from Dec to Apr), we have gotten really close. He has been almost more of a friend to me this year than anyone else. I really do love my brother.

"There is no one else that I can say this to
And there is nothing better than to talk to you
If you have a problem I'll be here for you
Cause girl you always know that it's us against the world.."
-- Us Against The World by Play

I want a friend like that. The only thing that really comes close to it is you, my dear reader. The only thing I come close to telling everything, what I can't tell anyone else, is this blog. Only the very deeply personal things don't go on here, they go in my written journal.

I need a friend like that. I used to have one in Ris, but when I went back to my old school district, we lost touch. Sam and Lexi aren't that close, even though they are my closest friends.

You know what is insane? The more I'm thinking about this, the more I think that my closest friend is my brother. We tell each other nearly everything. We've gotten pretty close over the past two years, with my sister away at college most of the time and the two of us retreating for cover from our annoying parents into the Bonus Room where our computers are. But even then, I can't talk to him like I would someone who was of my gender or someone I wasn't related to. It's not the same.

I have to find a friend like that. Whether she'll come from out of the rain (I would say dust, but there isn't quite enough of it here.. maybe mud) or I'll just become closer to one of my current friends, I will have a best female friend that is closer to me than my brother. /resolute nod

I will have a friend like that or die trying, waterit.

Before I tell my story, you need to know these things: (1) My birthday is February 7, 1989; (2) My church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... better known as the Mormon Church) puts the youth into classes by the year they were born -- so from January 1st to December 31st, my Sunday School class is exactly the same, and we all move up to a new teacher at the end of the year; (3) I skipped a grade, and I go to church school morning classes with my grade group rather than my age group.

This year, my age group is supposed to have Bro B as our Sunday Scool (hereafter known as SS) teacher. No one in his history of teaching SS has liked him, and everyone has heard or told many 'horror' stories about his classes. Because I am born so early in the year, I go to seminary with them anyways, and I didn't want horror stories of my own, I started going to the class for the 1988 kids. They didn't care, they all knew me from seminary and such, and the teacher didn't understand the system and thought I would be joining the class after my birthday anyways. So it's all good, right?

Wrong. (That wasn't obvious.) The SS president comes in and tells Kiley, Devin and I (1989 people who decided to go to the 1988 class) that we have to go to Bro B's class right now. We look at each other, agree, and then circle the building before we stop at an empty classroom and stay there for the rest of the one hour SS time slot. We talked about completely random things, and I had my scriptures out and open in case anyone came in and asked what we were doing out of our class. It was fun.

When the bell rings, we went off to our next classes, Kiley and I to our Young Women's class and Devin to Young Men's. In the middle of our lesson, Kiley and I get called out by the bishop (basically the pastor I guess, the guy with the highest authority in the congregation of about 500 that we call a ward). He's all, "How was SS?" We glanced at each other; I smirked. He then continued: "I heard about you guys skipping class today. I want that to stop. Next week you will go to Bro B's class. That's all, get back to class."

WTF? You know what, one of the 88 girls was in the 89 class all of last year to get out of B's class. Where was your conern then? What does it matter to you if we don't go to class with our age group? Espcially with me, who is in their grade anyways? You know what, Bish, maybe if you would laugh more, talk like you knew what you were saying, and back up that Arm Wrestling Champion title with a little spine, I would care a wink about what you told me.

Next week, I am bringing a spare set of keys to the car we take to church and I am going to stay out there for the entire hour of SS. I'm not an extremely stubborn person, but, Bish, you will not make me split my time between two ages any more than you already have. I am so sick of having to be with two different groups all the time, and I am done. When you give me a good reason, and tell me that what Natalie (the 88 girl in the 89 class) did was 'wrong,' maybe I'll listen to you. Probably not, but it would make you sound a hell of a lot smarter, as you have no idea what you are talking about right now.

Next week, I won't be there. I've been angry about being split since it happened, and I am done.

12 day Acis tour of France: $2500
Lunches Acis doesn't pay for: $250
Souvenirs: $500
Asking your teacher if you can enter the tour group two months after the first deadline: Priceless.
Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

Mastercard certainly can't get me out of this one. My family has been very low on money lately, so when Mrs L told us about the trip to France she and her husband were chaperoning for any French students that wanted to go, the chances of me going were one in a million in my mind. But now, things just might be different.

They might be different. Is it worth the embarrassment of asking? I hardly ever show it, even my friends don't notice unless I tell them, but I get embarrassed very easily. I hate talking to teachers or people I don't know very well, I hate going up in front of a group of people (unless I am acting), and I can't stand how time seems to crawl when I have to do any of these things.

But I want this so much. I was just looking at the Acis website and followed a couple of links to an AYA site about studying abroad for a semester or a full school year. Do you know how awesome that would be? I love my country, but I have always wanted to get out of here, and I made it a personal goal to spend over a year off of the North American continent when I realized how much I loved French last year in my first year of studying it. Even if I don't study in France or elsewhere, it would be fabulous to take the tour with the French students at my school!

I want this so much, but I don't know if I have what it takes to get what I want.


"But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather.."
-- Fantine, I Dreamed A Dream, Les Misérables

"I am reaching but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold.."
-- Javert, Javert's Suicide, Les Misérables

My brithday was luffly (eg, lovely). :D I got the iPod In-Ear Headphones I wanted for my future 15GB iPod from my mom, dad, and sister, Juli. My brother David couldn't think of anything to get me, and I couldn't think of anything else I wanted, so he took me driving in a private parking lot and then to Coldstone Creamery, where he works, for ice cream.

I love birthdays. /nod

The only one awake right now, other than me, is my dad. He didn't say happy birthday, he just said, "What are you doing up so early?" It's not early, it's 9:30! Plus I was so tired last night from getting no sleep during the week that I went to bed at nine... hey, that means that I got over twelve hours of sleep. Rock on!

Anyways. I can't wait until everyone is awake. Until then...

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Lynnie
Happy Birthday to me...

This is one time where I really feel like swearing in my blog. I hate it when people swear in their blogs.

Why fix what isn't broken? Why did Apple change the size of the blocks where icons go on the desktop when things are kept arranged? Waterit, I know it's not a big deal, but I hate it when little things that don't matter are changed, and it ends up mattering! Why can't you just leave it?

Now the arrangement of my desktop icons is off. It's been almost exactly the same for the past year, and I do not want to change it.

That's it. No more Panther. I hate this verion. I want Jaguar back.

Period.

Gah!

I'm crying. Over icons. On my desktop. That is so sad.

Gah.

Period.

At school, I just began (literally, today was the first day of the new semester) Web Design 1, and I can tell you right now...

I am going to die.

What we learned today was the basic HTML format:

[html]
[head]
[title]Auto[/title]
[/head]
[body]
My name is Joey Joe-Joe.[p]
This is my first webpage.[br][br]
It is very nice, ne?
[/body]
[/html]

I was very scared. I still am. For the next two months, all we are going to be learning is how to code. I know how to code, waterit! The only reason I didn't take a test to skip Web D 1 was because I wanted to learn Flash, which I have absolutely no experience with.

This sucks.

Line of duty: all that is authorized, required, or normally associated with some field of responsibility. [From Merriam-Webster Online.]

For my field of responsibility, the line of duty includes vast amounts of homework.
As if.
Okay, so they aren't that vast. Shut up, self!

Ahem. My point is, I have had hoemwork every single weekend/break since the year started.

Until now.

Oh yes, people, I'm saying what you think I'm saying: I don't have any homework!

Excuse me while I do my victory dance that involves much flailing of the arms, hokey-pokey moves, and bad moonwalking.
Tell them the bad part.
I thought I told you to shut up. Why do I have a voice on my one weekend off? I need to bang my head against a few walls now.

Well, the bad part is that the only reason I don't have any homework is that the last day of the semester was Friday. This is very bad, because it means that there will most likely be only one weekend left untainted by homework per school year for the rest of my high school career.
/evil laugh
Shut up, self!

Excuse me again, I must bask in the glory of my realization. /content sigh

Crap, I'm bored already...